her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
