She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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