Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
