my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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