I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
