just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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