So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
