Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
