i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
