Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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