so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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