too bad you live with your parents still
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
