he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
