guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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