She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
