good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
