If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
