We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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