im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
