her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
