I didn't shave. On purpose
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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