when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
