too bad you live with your parents still
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
