I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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