You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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