Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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