Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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