I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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