Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
