hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
