Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
