I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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