My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
