just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
