How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
