my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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