it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
