are you so shy because you have an std?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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