I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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