I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
