he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
