I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's even glitter on my cock...
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