me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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