Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
