We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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