the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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