I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
