I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
