Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
