so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
