is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
