Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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