nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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