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I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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