Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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