the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
