i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
