where does the pee come out of this thing
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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