if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
