My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
