i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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