I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
